Ghost of your Memory
by Notorious George Weasley
Summary: Ren X Horohoro Cuteness. Oversoul fic if you don't know, I explain, Horohoro leaves after Ren plays with his heart too often, giving Ren some time to think... and realize...
1. I: Singer

Ok, yeah, an Oversoul fanfic. For those of you not "in the know" Oversoul is the Shaman King band for we fanatics. Ren is the singer; Faust plays bass, Horohoro on drums, and Yoh's on guitar. After all the fame, Ren and Horohoro's relationship suffers. This is what happens when ego's flare and love takes a back seat in fame. Horohoro is the uke in this one (a.k.a. he's on the bottom). Includes boy on boy, strong language, alcohol references, and all that other good stuff! Enjoy!

**The Ghost of Your Memory**

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**Part I: Tao Ren **

Stardust, well it's a funny thing****

The door slammed and footsteps echoed as they rapidly pounded down the hall, along with sobs. Soon, another, heavier door slammed and nothing else was heard except for the crack of the building settling.

_I won_, he thought, turning from the bedroom door and sitting down at his desk, where he had been writing more lyrics before his…"distraction" had shown up. _Once again, I won. And now he's gone_. The smirk on his face and the cruel laughter in his gold eyes remained. Another argument and another person gone, that's all he was after all, just a person. A person and a skim, that is.

Tao Ren continued writing but soon noticed the silence from the house. No one was starting a food fight, no one was rushing in and bothering him, no one was telling a stupid joke, and no one was laughing it up with Yoh.

"Finally, some serenity here." The Chinese boy said, to break the silence. "It's good he's gone," he commented with a reassuring smile. He didn't really notice then that he was reassuring himself.

Soon Ren put his lyrics aside and just wrote absently on a blank sheet of paper, not even noticing what he was doing.

_He's gone, thank God. No more interruptions, no more stupid arguments, and it's peaceful. Now I can work on new songs and won't have anyone bothering me with 'morals'._

The singer closed his eyes as he smiled cruelly. He remembered each fan-boy he had screwed. The girls just weren't important enough and way too numerous to remember. They were more than willing to and he was just giving the fans what they wanted, it wasn't something to freak out about, like the drummer had. It was just a matter of giving them what they wanted. After all, Ren was a sex symbol and people expected things like this from him. His looks were perfect and while he sang out the lyrics with sweat making his tan skin glisten, everyone wanted a piece of him. And only the lucky ones got it. It was purely supply and demand. _Because he was jealous; he always wanted me all for himself… the selfish prick._

That was what this argument was about. Ren had been accused of "playing with a heart," and indeed, Ren said it was accurate and if **he** didn't like it, the door was behind him… but he said he wasn't coming back…

"Who cares?" he spat out at himself. "Another aggravation gone." There was something false in Ren's velvety voice.

To avert his mind from his former distraction, Ren slid one of their CD's into his stereo. Soon music filled the air as he lay down on his bed and stared at the unmoving ceiling. Since it was stuck on shuffle mode, Adulterer was the first song. For once, Ren listened to the lyrics that the former drummer of Oversoul wrote… They had never registered in his brain before now, let alone the meaning behind those words. They were all about himself.

He quickly took his remote and turned off the CD. _Yeah, he's gone… so what do I care? He wasn't that cool anyways, he only had about three fans anyways. _But no matter what Ren though, the face of his former band mate remained… that last look… full of pain and hurt… those tears… but who cares? **He's** gone.

"I belong to no one," he said. Ren was no longer smiling. Things that they both had said during that fight were echoing in his head. He glanced at the door, but saw no eager and hyper face. He listened but no quiet humming or soft laughter reached his ears. His bed didn't have another body hiding under the covers, waiting to be there for him. It was empty…

"Why does he do this to me? I never really loved him anyways! It was a stunt!" The Chinese boy was yelling now at the ceiling. He sat up from his bed and stood, mad at himself and how he was reacting. There was no way he could have feelings for someone, it's just not possible and utterly ridiculous.

Once again, Ren's eyes strayed to the door. On the ground were teardrops. _He wasn't _really_ crying, was he? And why would he? Crying is for people who are too weak to deal with it and no one would cry for me, especially him._ He turned his head and saw a picture on his nightstand. It was Oversoul; on the day they got their record deal. Faust was holding the contract, signed by the band and record company, and he was smiling, for once. Yoh was smiling like a druggy (as always), and Ren was holding Horohoro's hand tightly… and Horohoro had his other arm around Ren's neck, barely able to contain his excitement. After the picture had been taken, Ren had kissed Horohoro and they continued sliming together all day.

Ren slammed the picture down and sat back down on the bed. What was it the ex-drummer said when he was crying, before Ren had laughed in his face? Ren could hear it echo in his head… "You used to love me, Ren! Before all this fame and the fans, you loved me. And I would trade my fame for that back!"

"Then you're a fool."

"I loved you Ren… even now I still love you…"

"Feelings get in the way: you're weak."

_What have I become…? _Before the band was famous, it was different, wasn't it? He wasn't so full of himself, and he even cared about things other than himself. Ren actually enjoyed things.

The golden-eyed boy got to his feet and rushed to put on his shoes. _I've lost things before but I'm not losing him._ He grabbed his coat and house keys as he ran out of his room, down the hall, over the stairs, and through the front door. Ren was going after Horohoro.


	2. II: Drummer

**Part II: Horohoro**

_It can make you cuss, it can make you sing_

_What a fucking bastard! He kept me guessing and hanging for years. That's all I was to him, a prize, a good screw, a puppy that he could command, what a sucker I was!_ Horohoro repeated this in his head. He was about 3 miles from the Oversoul mansion and he wasn't going back, back to that damned singer. The tears still gushed from his eyes, but they were now bitter and cold. _It used to be different… but did he ever really love me?_

IN his hand was a half-empty bottler of hard whiskey, which he took a long swig from and coughed. It hurt going down, but it hurt anyways. Horohoro knew he couldn't handle the alcohol, but what did it matter now? He could die; no one cared… When Ren had let him go, that was his death.

Horohoro came to a huge wall and a telephone pole. Plastered on the wall were pictures of Ren, with OVERSOUL on it in big letters underneath.

"Oh yeah, I forgot!" Horohoro shouted at the posters, now almost blurry. "_YOU_ can get a new drummer! No problem! 'Cause it was always all about you! No one else! It's only the great Tao Ren and his band, right? You wasted the best years of my freaking life! Well FUCK YOU!" He took about five more chugs of the fire water, sputtering and coughing after. Blood splattered on the pavement as Horohoro grasped his throat and coughed more violently. The bottle was soon empty. As tears streamed down his face, Horohoro sobbed, "Why do I still love him? I'm just setting myself up for another, greater heartbreak again. Well, I'm out of the fucking band!" A shatter of glass and the alcohol bottle hit the poster, splitting into hundreds of pieces.

The blue haired drummer fell to his knees on some glass and bent over holding his stomach. A split second later, he wretched on the cold pavement, blood splattering everywhere in dark red puddles. Who cared if he had been coughing up blood for a month in secret? No one. There was no one he felt he should tell. He looked around and couldn't help laughing as the tears from his face mingled with the red blood around his mouth. The surroundings were all too familiar. This was the very spot where he confessed his feelings for the short Chinese boy. And that was the evening of his first kiss… right on this very spot where he kneeled years later, dying.

Soon, the puddle of blood turned into a pond as Horohoro threw up again, slamming his hands on glass shards.

"It doesn't matter, nothing does… Good bye Ren… it was sweet and cruel, but I know you'll find a replacement," he yelled into the still, freezing night.

"I could never replace you, Horohoro…" a slightly out of breath and painfully familiar voice said behind him. A short Chinese boy with a huge spike in his raven hair stood by the lamppost, his face flushed and gasping for air. He had been running and looked slightly scared.

"Ren… leave me alone…" the drummer said, closing his eyes and squeezing out more tears. But the Chinese boy didn't leave; instead he rushed to Horohoro's side and knelt down in his blood, grasping his arms Horohoro and turning him over, Ren began to cry.

"Shit, Horo! Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you get mad at me earlier? Why didn't I care?! You can't leave me now, I won't let you!" he yelled, holding the drummer tighter and Horohoro began to clutch Ren's coat.

"God-Dammit Horo!! You're not going to leave me like this! I can't live without you and I'm sorry! Fuck, I am so sorry but please don't leave me! I need you! Please!! I love you!"

"Ren…" the boy said, the blood beginning to crust around his lips. "I love you…"

"Don't leave… please…" he leaned over and kissed the bloody lips. Then he pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. Practically yelling in his shaky voice, he said "I'm on 7th street between Merrill and James. My lover is dying in my arms, I need an ambulance! M-My name is Tao Ren; now get the God damned ambulance over here! He's dying, get it!?" He hung up and began stroking the blue hair on Horohoro's head. "How could I let this happen to you… I forgot about it all, and I've been stupid, and horrible… Don't give up on me. I-I'll change, I promise, just don't leave me."

Horohoro smiled in the least bit and placed a cold blood-covered hand on Ren's cheek, looking sad and helpless. "I want to, Ren… I… can't hold on…"

"Dammit, you are going to! Fight it! You can't leave me! The band- I still have to make this up to you! We can go back to how we were and I'll set the fans straight! I only want you! I can't sing without the one guy who's always been there for me!"

As soon as Ren finished the sentence, red and white flashing lights came streaming up the street with the loud siren running. The paramedics jumped out of the ambulance and strapped Horohoro to a stretcher, taking him and Ren into the ambulance, Ren still gripping Horohoro's hand. Around him, the paramedics were rushing and yelling questions as they sped to the hospital. Ren answered them in a dronish tone as he watched Horohoro's face.

"Does he have any allergies?"

"Grass and weeds."

"What does he take?"

"Claritin."

"Does he have any other prescriptions."

With a guilty heart, Ren muttered, "Zoloft… sometimes." That was probably his fault too for making his drummer so depressed.

"Any known injuries?"

There was a silence in which the man repeated his question. Ren muttered, "Not unless you count a broken heart. But he's been throwing up blood and he drank some alcohol…" He could tell by the smell of Horohoro's breath.

"What blood type is he?"

"AB-."

"They're running short on that type at the hospital, we may have to do a transfusion!" the driver yelled, relaying information on the radio.

"I'll do it," Ren said, never looking away from his drummer's face.

"What blood type are you, sir?"

"O-."

"That'll work. Do either of you have HIV or AIDS?"

"No."

"Any diseases?"

"NO."

"What are you, his brother?"

"His boyfriend," Ren mumbled, trying to figure out some other way to help. Horo had to survive this… if he didn't…

The paramedic hooking Ren up to the blood machine looked at the tattoo on his forearm and gasped a little, saying, "Are you that singer from Oversoul? Tao Ren? And he's… Horohoro?"

Ren glared at her and yelled, "When you save his life I'll sign the autographs, but until then can you just work!?"

The other paramedic said, "Is he anemic?"

"No."

"We're going to have to pump his stomach, Arch," he yelled at the driver, who relayed it to the Emergency ward.

It went on like that until they reached the hospital and Horohoro was rushed off to ER while Ren was left in the waiting room. He dialed his cell phone and told Yoh everything that happened as he ran over it in his mind, trying hard not to think the worst. In a matter of minutes, Yoh and Faust were in the waiting room with their singer, in the middle of the night, while Ren just sat and looked blankly at the wall, too scared to speak.

Faust talked to one of the nurses, identifying himself as a doctor, and came back in a while, saying, "They've stopped the bleeding the best they can, but they won't know until morning… they have him on meds and his stomach is now empty… and they were able to get all the glass out of his wrists and hands."

Ren looked up and muttered, "But how is he?"

There was a silence and Faust garbled, "He hasn't woken up yet, so they don't know… Ren, it wasn't all your fault."

"Yes it was. All of it was my fault. I've been the biggest prick on this planet to him! And don't even say that it isn't true, Yoh, because I know it is!" Immediately, Yoh shut his mouth, but put a hand on Ren's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

Slowly, the guitarist said, "There'll be time to make it up to him… you'll see."

Ren glared at his hands as he sat hunched over in his seat… He could hear newscasters outside. Of _course_ the press had gotten wind of it. That was the last thing he needed now… but maybe not.

He stood up and walked toward the sliding door, Faust and Yoh following him. Stepping out onto the steps, the fans started screaming and the reporters yelled questions, but he held up his hands to silence them as flashes flashed and video cameras recorded.

With his crystal velvety voice he said, "Oversoul is not over, and it will never be, but it almost was, because I screwed up. I've been screwing up now for the past four and a half years. I've been dishonoring my fans, my band, more importantly, my friends, and most importantly, my lover. I only have one lover, and I'm going to stay with him and only him, because he is the most significant thing in my life, even if I lost sight of that a long time ago. So Horohoro is going to be all right, because he needs to be, or else I can't sing, let alone live. All I want to say is that I love him more than fame and fortune and all that our band has brought us. And that's all I want to say, thank you, and go to bed."

Ren walked back inside to the sound of confusion, but he still felt terrible. Yoh once again put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and said, "He'll appreciate that… you're still going to be alright, Ren. Everyone gets side-tracked sometimes."

Faust grunted and sat back down. Searching for some comfort, Ren just walked the halls of the hospital all night. He never wanted it to happen this way, but perhaps it was the only way Ren could've gotten the point.


	3. III: Recovery

**Part III: Recovery**

_And the need to touch it gets hard to explain some days_

The next morning, Horohoro woke up to the sound of a steady-beeping heart monitor and the smell of sterilization. His stomach hurt, his hands hurt, his throat hurt, but somehow… even thought last night had been hell his heart didn't hurt. Sitting asleep in the chair next to him was a short Chinese boy with a long face, a troubled expression, and very messy hair. His clothes were still stained with blood, though he didn't seem too angry about the mutilated designer labels. In his hand, was the drummer's bandaged hand, which the singer seemed to hold with a death-grip.

Only faintly could Horohoro remember what happened last night, but he remembered everything Ren had said, which made him smile. Maybe he was going to change for real this time, maybe it was all going to be all right, but maybe it would all change when Tao Ren woke up.

Faust came in a moment later and smiled over at the drummer. Relief was in the man's sunken eyes, but for what reason, Horohoro didn't know. Later, Yoh came in smiling and handed the blue-haired guy a packet of Pocky, and put a tape in the TV in the small hospital room, pressing the play button, and letting the copy of the newsreel speak for itself…

Horohoro stared at it, at Ren, as he told the world… _He loves me… He loves me, he loves me, he loves me…_

"You're lucky Horo," the guitarist sighed, sitting in another chair. "Every time you two get in a fight you can just start barfing blood again. And no more secrets from Faust, he feels hurt you went to the hospital and not him." At that, Faust just tipped his hat.

The drummer looked over at Ren… Ren, the one who had jerked his heart for the last five years, the one who had driven him half insane with his games and antics by making him sweat, and the one who had broken his heart every other night with different fans… and he couldn't help but fall in love with him all over again.

Ren woke up with a spasm and looked around, his gold eyes taking everything in until they met Horohoro's. Then, everything just disappeared besides them. It was just as well too, for Faust and Yoh left as soon as he woke up, closing and waiting outside the door so that they wouldn't be disturbed.

Minutes passed between them of just silence, both just looking in each other's eyes, saying a million things without words, though both knew that words were needed to heal the gash in their relationship, so Horohoro waited for Ren to think out what he was going to say.

"Horo…" Ren began, for once his voice sounding unsure. But, he didn't give up on speaking. "I… We… You have always been the best thing in my life. We were together before the band, and we promised that we would be together after the band. Somewhere in between, I forgot that. And I want you to forgive me, if you can, for every thing I have done to you so that we can start over… So we can start better… because you are the only thing I care about in my life, though it took me a while to figure that out. Without you, there is no soul, it's just over."

Maybe it was corny, and maybe it was lyrical, but whatever it was, it was just was Horohoro needed to hear. "I forgive you Ren… But if you do that again, I won't come back."

Before either could register another thought, Ren had swept Horohoro up into his arms and was kissing him as softly and lovingly as he could. It wasn't a kiss that was passionate, or sexual, or bitter… It was just a kiss, a show of indefinable love and affection, and it was the first one either had had in a long time.

The next day, Horohoro was freed from the hospital and Oversoul was once again whisked away to their mansion on the hill, Ren and the drummer barely able to keep their lips off each other in the back of the limo, and the two were soon in Horo's room, snogging as gently as they could as if it were going out of style.

Sex was great and all, but really, all that Ren had ever really wanted was in his arms. Just Horohoro. Just that one guy who was always beside him, loving him no matter what. And now, Ren was going to live up to that devotion with everything he did. Love was all they needed, and that was the only thing that mattered.

THE END


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